New Year – Taking Responsibility and Resetting

2020 was good for me.

It wasn’t fun or exciting. I achieved a few goals, but nothing life changing. 2020 was good for me. I learned more about myself – where I want to go and what I need to do to get there.

Taking Responsibility

I’ve been working towards taking full responsibility for myself for years – Realizing that if I’m not happy with my life (I’m not), I’m the only one who can change it – Realizing that no one is going to come along and save me or make me do my work. I’ve spent most of my adult life secretly waiting for someone to come along and kick my ass into gear for me: a friend, a boyfriend, an employer, an event. I’ve been waiting for something or someone to happen to me. A couple of years ago it hit me that the unicorn is not coming. It’s me, or nobody.

I spend a lot of time talking myself out of things. I talk myself out of writing (or writing more) on a daily basis. There isn’t anything more fulfilling for me than storytelling, but I convince myself that nobody cares, and I’ll never make money from it. Maybe I should focus on my day job and try to move up the ladder . . . but that idea makes me want to eat myself into a coma and never leave my bed again.

What always reignites my drive to write is other people’s creativity. I’ll come across a blog post or a painting, video, or book that I enjoy and think: What if this person talked themselves out of making this and sharing it? I’m so glad they didn’t, even though I know they’ve had the same doubts I do.

Resetting

Everyone needs an occasional mindset recalibration. This year, I’m hitting reset. What would I do if I dropped the beliefs that aren’t serving me and followed my gut? What would my daily life look like if I stopped letting other people dictate my moods and actions? I need to be consistent. I need to write even though I feel like an idiot every time I hit publish. The doubt is part of the game. Do it or live with the regret.

I’ll be posting to this blog at least every two weeks. The first few posts of this next year will be about the process of writing Dark House, and then whatever I think is interesting after that. Most of the time I’ll end up writing about writing or creativity in general, might sneak some self-improvement in.

The main thing I want to do is write fiction, so I need to dedicate most of my energy to that, pushing through the “nobody cares” thoughts. One of my goals is to have my second book out this year.

I love making New Year’s resolutions. If nothing else, it sets my course before me – gives me a sense of direction. I also love the review at the end of the year. Sometimes I accomplish my goals, and that feels great, but when I don’t, I can look back at my actions, dissect my failure, and learn from it.

Happy New Year