Me: Writes post about overcoming perfectionism, starts by changing the title ten times in a row.
I have perfectionist tendencies.
For me, perfectionism means scrutinizing everything I do, say, and think, and rarely measuring up to my own standards. I think in black and white terms: good or bad, smart or stupid, perfect or unacceptable.
As I’ve begun “putting myself out there” in order to get to know my future readers and fellow writers, I’ve noticed some serious issues in my mindset that keep me from connecting other people and revealing my true self.
For example, I don’t have pictures of myself on this blog or my social media accounts, because I can only put up perfect pictures that people couldn’t possibly judge, and since that’s not possible, I don’t put up anything.
I’m afraid to release any of my fiction, even a short story, because if people don’t like my writing, or worse, are indifferent to it, I feel like I couldn’t handle it. If I don’t put work out no one can dislike it.
I am terrified of being negatively judged by other people. Terrified. Because the times I have been judged, left out, and generally hurt by others, it hurt so badly I’d do anything not to experience that again. I’ve built up walls that do nothing but punish me for being imperfect and having feelings.
These behaviors are keeping me from enjoying and fully living life.
I’ve taken baby steps away from perfectionism. On the Instagram account I recently started, I use my natural handwriting for my posts. I think it’s hideous, but hey, that’s how I write. I force myself to leave comments for other creators when I have something positive to say. Usually I would over-analyse my comment and end up saying nothing.
Right now most of my energy is focused on my book, but once that’s presentable, I want to work more on revealing my true self and connecting with people.
My goal going forward is to mess up more, do everything imperfectly, go into every task thinking, The end result of this will be imperfect, as it must be.