I Got What I Wanted, Now What?

I got a new job! The kind of job I’ve been wanting since I graduated from college almost three years ago. No contact with the general public, nice coworkers, my own desk, and plenty of work!

New Job, Week 1, Tuesday

I’m incredibly nervous because I have so much to learn about my job, and I don’t think there’s anything that gives me more anxiety than not knowing what I’m doing.

I’m not writing this post to brag about how great things have been. I’m writing to work through the overwhelming sense of doom I’m feeling. The part of getting a new job people don’t really talk about, “The New Job Blues.”

As much as I was beginning to truly hate my last job, I was good at it. I knew and liked (some of) my coworkers. I could saunter in, do my job, and saunter back home. Now I don’t know anything or anyone, and I constantly have to ask for help.

I got my non-creative “dream job”, but it’s still not good enough.

When am I going to find time to write, and paint, and see my friends? Will I have the mental energy to do the things I actually want to do?

New Job, Week 4, Thursday

I’m starting to settle in. My new workplace is remarkably positive and supportive, a stark contrast to the dysfunctional culture I came from. Although I haven’t been writing, I think about this blog, and my book, every day.

I’m still dead set on the idea of being a writer. Although I’m working forty hours a week now, I’ve regained the self esteem and sanity that my old, part time job had taken away. I don’t feel the need to spend every moment of my free time decompressing anymore.

The book is coming, articles are coming, short stories…maybe. I have an aversion to short stories that I’d like to explore. I’m organizing my life and I’m going to be a writer. I have to be.