Adult Goals, Childlike Expectations

Whenever I had free time as a kid, which was often, I would craft or play music or write something. All that play is the foundation of the creative skills I have now.

I have a burning desire to create everyday, although judging by how often I do it you wouldn’t think so. When I have free time now, I consume other people’s creative work, and rarely make progress on my own, even though I really, really want to, even though when I do it makes my life so much better.

I’ve been wondering why this is. Why didn’t I hesitate to fill my days with creativity as a kid, but now I have so much resistance to it, even though it makes me happy?

The answer that made the most sense to me is that I have put “adult” expectations on my creativity. If I make something wrong, or ugly, then I’ve wasted materials, and even worse, I’ve wasted my time. Why would I work on my novel when I could be writing a cover letter or learning how to use pivot tables in Excel?

First of all, there’s time for both. Second of all, expertly written cover letters and pivot table knowledge may get me that job that impresses my friends and family, but they won’t push me towards my ultimate goal, which is to make a living with my creativity.

I need to reset my expectations and my mindset. I must assume that nothing I create is going to be perfect, or even good. I created so much as a kid because it was the most fun I could think to have, not because someone was going to pay me for a finished product, not because anyone was going to compliment me on what I did.

Adult goals, childlike expectations.