My self-esteem has been in the absolute toilet since July.
I sat down and wrote for my book for the first time in a long time on Thursday. My thoughts were bleak as I began to type:
This is stupid, terrible writing. No one will ever be entertained by this, not even in a ‘so bad it’s good’ way.
But then I got lost in the writing, and gosh darn it, I was having fun! I forgot how much I think I suck and just wrote freely. Writing always makes me feel good, but it’s the first thing I stop doing when I feel low, because it requires effort and discipline.
I read Jocko Willink’s Dicipline Equals Freedom a couple of days ago. The general message is simple: DO IT. You don’t have to feel good or ready, and you sure as heck don’t need that fickle jerk, motivation.
The book reminded me that the self-esteem fairy isn’t going to appear and bestow it’s gifts on me any time soon. I have to fake it ’till I make it. I have to do what I think I’m supposed to be doing and then if I need to change course, so be it. But I can’t change course if I’m not even moving.