Rejection: Part 2

I’ve been gone (again), because I applied for another job I really wanted (again), had a good interview (again), and got rejected (again).

Why do I stop writing when I’m stressed?! Why do I stop doing the one thing that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something worthwhile?

Even though I’ve stopped writing for my novel and this blog the past month, I never stop writing journal entries.

The night before I got rejected this time, I was waiting anxiously and I just…got sick of it. I was angry that I had been wasting so much time sitting around, worried about people who don’t know me deciding my fate.

This is what I wrote in my journal:

I’m sitting here, having kinda wasted a month being worried about job applications and the results of interviews, and I’m sick of it. I don’t want every little stressor to upend my life.

I’m letting the decisions of people who don’t know me consume my thoughts. I’m forsaking the things I can control to have anxiety about the things I can’t.

Things I can’t control:

  • What other people think about me
  • Other people’s decisions
  • Other people’s emotions
  • Whether I get arbitrarily chosen for something or not

Things I can control:

  • What I eat
  • What I spend most of my days doing
  • What I focus on
  • The state of myself and my living environment

So, I took one day to wallow in self pity, which was yesterday. From now on, I’m going to follow my own advice. The things I can’t control shouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind, taking over my life.